Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Crashed.

  Okay. This post will be about my illnesse(s) again. The only reason I talk about my illnesses is because well everything needs more awareness in my eyes. And people should be able to understand just how hard it is for me!
  My depression is okay for now not had a down day in about a week. I mean I have been getting needy moments. But that's all. Like where all I want is to be wrapped in someones arms! But hey. Loneliness and being alone is fine... Because well. I am used to it... And in my eyes. It will always be this way, there is still a tiny amount hoping. But everytime I get fucked over? That goes.
  The IBS is something I don't like to talk about as it is embarrasing... But the IBS seems to be shitty right now. Stomach constantly hurting or whatever. But something I don't wanna talk about.

  Now the last one... The big one... The CFS/ME. It is gettingn worseeeee. And no. I am not just saying it. I mean I worked 3 days rather than 2 this weekend... And yesterday I just couldn't eat due to being exhausted. I mean I tried, but I felt too nauseous and left most of it... When I was at work I was also really nauseous, and feeling really dizzy as well, which just shows me more that I am getting worse! I mean. Being tired. Being in pain. I guess I am really used to it... Except when my joints start hurting. Mainly my right hip. Its like someone is drilling away my bones. It kills. And it can be constant. Feel it the most when I sleep... Hence why I don't really sleep well at night. More intense pain. Whether I nap or don't... Nights, I struggle to sleep, but because of that I can sleep all day. I don't mind it too much but when I have to go out in the day it can be hard!
  I wouldn't wish anyone to have this illness, and I am dreading it get to moderate and severe. I just about cope with being mild but it still so fucking hard. And makes it worse because I don't claim so I literally just live on my £60 a week. Well. 40. As I give 20 to my mum... Maybe I should claim. As I definaetly can't work, 2/3 days wipes me clean out.
  Life just isn't fair. You get fools being so ungrateful. Seen so many on the findom scenee like that can work but choose not too... Yet still take money, and still fucking moan that they 'haven't got nothing' when they have. Try being constantly ill, live on next to nothing and not relying on paypigs so anything you do get is an amazing bonus and I actually appreciatte it. I would still want more though but oh well!

  I really do hope I don't get much worse. But way it is going it does not seem that way, my musckes constantly feel like I am on fire, always exhausted. At least I have finally started to get a social life. I mean I go out a bit more. But sometimes I have to back out of plans because of this illness. Which sucks. I'm just hoping they make something that actually helps.

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