It's official. I am back in my dark place. Maybe it's because of the fact I am yet again so fucking lonely and alone and it consumes me.... I wish I could cut off my emotions like in The Vampire Diaries. It would be fun not giving a shit about anyone but myself and never caring about effort etc.
I'm stressed too. Stressed at the fact I could be homeless witthin a year. Like seriously. Just what I need to add to my stress.
I miss working. At least I would be kept busy, not worrying, won't have time to think about how lonely and alone I am. My stupid fucking illnesses just fuck up everything! Like very annoying. I mean at least the one thing that keeps me happy are money and gifts and that has picked up again... I'll just do this. Fuck people.
People always tell me when they read my blog like how can I be so passionate? So open? The fact is this is my goddamn release. I feel like I can't talk to anyone. And in reality I can't. I mean how can I? Most of my thoughts are just wanting to give up completely and end my life. Ugh.
I hate being a hopeless romantic. And carrying that tiny hope I will find someone... It needs to go. I will never find anyone and I know it so I don't have a fucking clue why there is a tiny bit of hope.
Yep. My emotions need to just simply fuck off.