Uhhhh. My depression isn't my friend today one bit. Just so down, yet again, at least I have been sorta okay for a couple of weeks... But now not so much. As always sat here consumed in loneliness because I just want to be somebody's other half and be happy sort of. But I just really need get rid of that tiny hope I have. Because I genuinly will never get anyone decent.
Maybe it's my own fault, going for hot guys and muscle men... But I can't help it. I want be with someone who I am attracted too... And right now. That is muscle me. They are beautiful. But they all turn out to be dicks and selfish and you know what? It's pissing me off. But in fact even guys not attractive to me are the same way too... It's just a big ball of players. Males. All of them are fucking cunts and it is annoying.
I mean they are okay as mates, I have alot of male friends. And they are lovely. But I never want to over step that, I could not deal with having no mates again, it isn't fair.
I guess I will continue to consume myself in films, series and books... That will be the only romance I will ever get! And getting guys buy me things to make me happy, financial domination is such a fun thing haaa.
I also started to sell clips, which is doing okay, And that cashes out monthly, so abit more money there to save up.
I've been stressed recently. My mum wants to move with her fella, leaving me homeless, because I am not sharing a room with a child, I'm 23, I stay up all night, it won't work out in the slightest. So I said I would only move if I have a caravan, my own space at least. And won't be fucking nagged. It sucks having my illness... Like honestly, I want to work, I want to be able move out, I don't need the stress of being homeless in a year or less... It just makes my illness worse!
I'm tired. I'm sore. I'm fed up.
My illnesses are unfair, and I hate being so lonely and alone, but fuck it, fuck life. It sucks. It's too hard.