I think I'm really cursed you know. Especially when it comes to males. I aint even fucking joking. It's a joke. Well not a joke. You know what I mean. I mean I'm at work right now.. but technically I'm still experiencing a goddamn breakdown. Writing this in buts when I get chance and noone wants to be served. You can tell Wigan is dying. Being off King Street on and off since I was 18... back then Thursday to Sunday everywhere was opened and packed every night. Now most places only open Friday and Saturday... I blame the fact that Wigan is full of absolute cunts.
As always my head is a jumbled mess. Too much going on in my mind. And I fucking hate everyone. Corny as it sounds... my heart is literally a constant ache. Being alone, loneliness, constantly experiencing both is a constant headfuck. My kitties help. Mostly. But I miss an actual conversation... one that isn't with myself or in meows... Crazy.
Anyway, yeah, what is it with males? Around here (Wigan) when it comes to more or less than friends.. they turn into such cunts. Telling them I'm not interested turns into barrels of abuse calling me all sorts. And trying to date? Fuck me. After one thing... fuck off when they get it, fuck off when they don't. Eve if you make them wait a month or two!
Every time I talk to someone new, it always fucks up. There is always others. There is always lying about the other girls, when I ask for honesty. Because I know I have to share if I even want anyone. It has always been that way. Even with my exes! It's just what happens with me. Unfair, yes. Used to it, yes. But seriously seems how it has to be if I am ever gonna get anyone. I have to share. Fuck life. Yeah. Seriously. Fuck life!
Thinking about my exes, one ex used talk to an ex best mate of mine 24/7, more than me, and we lived together! He even still does it to this day, sly fuckers everyone. Any wonder why I have pure hatred for everyone? Any wonder why I do not trust any retarded fuck prick in Wigan.
As you can see my sadness is slowly turning to anger. Wouldn't want anyone to piss me off tonight. I don't take shit as it is. Would be fun hahaaaa.
My mood always swings from sadness to anger to being numb. It's fun when I'm numb. I want to be that way forever. Being ignored doesn't bother because I'd do it my fucking myself!
I am just a lost woman me. Nearly 24 and just do not want to even be here no more. My cats are literally only thing keeping me alive. My little cute futbabies. Pure love.
I don't know why I'm so cursed. I haven't done anything too bad. I legit must of been a murderer in my past life. Fuck um! Gonna end up turning into ine in this life... don't worry. I'm joking. Don't think I could even though I do have such a pure hatred.
I should just go get lost in the forrest or some shit and die there. That's how lost I fucking feel. And having noone makes it so much worse... but at the same time I'm used to it. Sadness. Anger. Hatred. Numbness. Always going through them. I don't even get why a male won't see me longer than I second. I have already said it's cool about sharing. It's expected. Guys CAN NOT have one fucking female. I have witnessed many cheats. Even those that look happy and like they aint cheated. Guarantee they have. I know alot about people. I watch, listen, observe.
When people say I don't deserve money because I do what I do and aint arsed, proud of my body, and fucking honest. You're just a sheep, and more than a lyer. Don't need that shit in my life thankyou very much.
Ugh. Again. Fuck life.
On an ish positive note. I'm happy with the fact I have been able to work out for a couple week. And started on Protein Powder... which seems to have helped my body I little. Still always tired. Still in constant pain but you know I'm managing. I just want to lose weight. Haaa. Though I never lose my curves haha.
I'm stressed and annoyed right now! Got some fucker even right now trying to gjve me abuse because I asked him why he was tagging people in my shit, and he starts giving me abuse. Funny though when he was crying about being ignored and begging for me to meet him. Wrong uns in Wigan. Really any wonder why I don't bother with anyone? Little fucktards. This place needs to be nuked. Only me and a few others should live haaaa. Horrible, horrible, horrible!
Hopefully I'm numb yet again soon. I want to be that way forever hahaha. It's cold as well I just wanna go to sleeeeppp.
In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to share. I'd be someones only. Mad attraction. Regular sex. Be able to confide in them. Etc etc etc. You get the gist.
I'm just a lonely jumbled up girl who likes tattoos, money, cats, penguins, Kanye West, Kid Cudi, Vic Mensa, One Direction, a bunch of TV shows, films, books and a few other shit. And also very lonely and alone. But fuck it. I need noone. I'm strong. I'll be okay. I'll be okay...