Saturday, 21 October 2017

Lack of Sleep, Emotional...

  My god. I’ve barely slept. I can’t seem to sleep. I’m emotional. My head is fucked and fuck me, that guy just made me feel like utter shit. I dunno. Did I mention him? The kne who I spoke too for ages but he won’t be with me?! Blah. Always saying he ‘never wants a relationship again’. Yet turned around just today snd say’s ‘I just don’r want one right now, i’ve always said that’. But fuck me. No you haven’t. Never. Ever. I hate the male population. Makes me feel so fucking low.
  I don’t know me. Like. What is a decent male. I mean okay as mates. But honestly. That’s it. They’re just headfucks otherwise. Call you slag because you won’t fuck them. Fuck you around if you like them. Seriously, can I make a synth please to make the perfect guy who makes me feel great?! Hahaha. Headfucks.
  I should really be asleep me. But I can’t seem to sleep. Why. I don’t fucking know. I’m sad. I’m fed up. I’m stressed. I’m in pain. I’m just blah... why do I not deserve no happiness? Just bullshit all the time and if it carries on I don’t see myself being here. I mean what is the point? Like really?! I have no point. Life makes it impossible for to enjoy the things I do. Allergic to cats when I have 7, less money, sales etc when I get removed off Facebook etc... cheers life. Love you too. Read my posts? Please don’t tell me to ‘think positive’. I try. I try so hard. I hope, I pray, and I think ‘oh maybe I’ll get something good for once’... and then fuck me. It just doesn’t happen for me, ever. Breaks my heart. I’m fed up. I just want to be okay.
 If you have me on twitter you would have seen the recent drama, and since I can’t sleep right now ama explain. As best I can. Without exposing too much kinda. Basically, that ‘Goddess Evie’. I have known her years, we went the same school, I never spoke to her then, but after school we became friends. We’d occasionally hang out etc. She used to be a great friend. And then, she started being shitty, couldn’t decide on guys, used stand me up for mate dates, used to ignore the shit out of me. And it drove me to the point of just saying you know what fuck off because I just cba. About 2 years ago, maybe one, not too sure, my illness makes my memory shitty, but yeah, she slated me on facebook, on her ‘Vanilla’ Facebook. Saying about what I do and I’m a slag for it etc, horrible person, just because I said I couldn’r be bothered with her fake friendness anymore. So to my shock, 2/3 months later someone messages me and tells me she has copied me. Imagine the shock! Slating then copying. Ha! Bellend. So I outed her on her ‘vanilla facebook’ which led me getting removed for the first time proper. She sent her boyfriend to my house too to have a go. Which quickly brings me to point out she has had a boyfriend till recently, of about five years, and she still lives with him kore than likely... she has nowhere else to go. So she lies about being single. And having ‘girlfriends’. They clearly got fed up of her shit too. She just has her kid sisters (get to that soon). Oh and since she sent her fella... and been mine loads... it’s obvious she knows where I live. So her putting on Twitter ‘tell her send me her address’. She’s talking shit. Another keyboard warrior. Full of them in Wigan and Leigh. I get so many. It’s fucking laughable. Never say it to my face. Just online. So yeah, back to subject... after outing her and then the post being removed I just blocked and ignored her. Horrible fake person. It is annoying how she does better, she doesn’t deserve it. She’s a cheat... she cheated on her exes, I have been witness to it a few times. And my ex told me after I split with him, she fucking asked him out, she would have still been with this goddamn ex too... so yeah. Another reason not to be her mate. I hate cheats. Both my exes cheated. It’s horrible. We kind of made up a few months ago because she came where i work in the town centre, we both apologised kinda thing because like bigger people and all that. But then I find out she blocked me on Twitter again... dunno why like. Wasn’t arsed. Still not. But then I see that she is advertising a new Domme. Having a nosey... it’s her little sister. Who is 16 or 17. How do I know? She was friends with my sister and obvs I was mates with ‘Evie’ so of course I fucking knew ha. I don’t agree with it. She’s underage. I’ve heard from around here that they’re doing drugs, and then obviously she’s getting her kid sister in around town. But that’s easy in Leigh, because all the kids go there. Look it up... it’s known for condtantly getting in shit and shut down for underage kids getting. Fucking disgusting place. Why I don’t go no more. I do not wanna hang with kids no more hahaha.  So yeah. When i saw her trying to get her sister into findom, then yeah I outed her. Because it’s wrong. I mean, she tried with her other sister too... but she had turned 18. That was okay. But yeah underage one.. isn’t at all. Then, she had the audacith to say me a liar etc... if I was liar then get her to verify. Get her post her fucking ID up. Oh wait. You fucking can’t. And any fucker who believe her you’re a fucking idiot. She lies. Always fucking lies. Her tweet with a strap on... she doesn’t do real time. I’ve had people tell me they arranged it then she ignroed them when it came to the day and time... like wtf. If you don’t do real time don’t pretend too. Why the fuck you got a strap on for hahaha. FAKE. LIES. That’s why. And posts like ‘my girlfriends’. She has nobody, lying about that too. Least I don’t. And obviously lying about when she was in a five year relationship living with him and still living with himmbecause nowhere to go... yeah.
  Anyhow. End of her. Let her continue those lies. I’m done with her. I will never try to be her friend again. I’ve tried many times. But she is a fake person and fake friend, and I don’r mentally need that hullshit. I have enough shit going on in my head without readding a person who continually used to fuck me over!
  My allergies, my illness, can someone take them away?! Fuck me. They’re so brutal lately. Like I was in tears last night after work because I was on the big bar... my body is aching so much more. It’s shit that I can’t do a fucking thing without suffering. Not even going for a piss! Ha. Allergies to cats when you have seven too... can imagine how bad that can bloody be can’t you?! Eyes are stinging!
  I’m stressed now too, getting a little closer to my birthday, as always people trying drop out leaving me with having to look for others, like ffs don’t say you’re gonna come if you’re not.,, if you are reading this, and you’ll come, and pay. Message me... being serious, need to be sure I have minum 10’people, because well I love Newcastle so much. It’s the one thing I look forward too every year my birthday. I mean i don’t get presents anymore. Like, people ask me ‘what you getting for xmas’ , ‘what you getting for your bday’. Answer? Nothing. I’m 24. Nearly 25. I haven’t got nothing since I was 16. I’m too old.
  Also stressed about money as always. No clips sales etc, the findommside as always is shit with timewasters and stuff... ballache. Can you all up your game so I can stop stressing? I mean, I’m eating plain pasta for food as I can’t really afford to ffed myself. WHich is okay as I would rather starve then starve the cats. But sometimes I miss food! Ha. Up the shit. Money. Sales. Gifts. Make me happy. Make me stress free!!
  How good are One Direction?! Even thiugh they’ve solit. They’re still great. SOlo stuff. I’ve got every single one! Love the little beauts. I say this because I’m lay here with Niall’s album thats just come out. Bloody brilliant. Kind of bad of Liam though... brought his single out the same dsy’ which was a bloody bigger hit... yeah. They’re no getting back together. ANd if they do? Only in 20’years. Gutted.
  Random thoughts... are vampires real? I want them to be. And I want to bloody be one. How awesome would it be. Nobody would mess with me then. Crush them, drain them. Humans are horrjble. The world has honestly fucked up it ha. No lie. Never lie.
  Anyhow. I have no idea why I’m awake, or how. But I should sleep so I can actually work tonight. SInce I am getting worse and starting to struggle to work! Ha. Let’s hope this family of mine get quirt so I can!

  Thanks for reading... if you did ;)!

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