Sunday, 23 June 2019

Rome, Italy.

  I told you all I’d be trying to post more, and what else than about my recent holiday, my first trip since my ex and my first trip ever that I organised myself. Kinda overspent though. Got an email saying I’m in overdraft... but I don’t have overdraft haha. Ah well. Worth it. It was so peaceful. My hotel was way out the way but I don’t mind, I mean I could not of been bothered with the constant business, oh and my hotel had a pool! I can’t swim but putting my legs in sure cooled me down! Only bad thing about the hotel was being surrounded by motorways and really couldn’t walk anywhere, so having to get taxis and ubers everywhere... most of spent about 300 alone on those!
  Anyway, main reason I went Rome was the Trevi fountain, as I believe the wish thing, so yeah. Travelled miles to see the fountain. Now anyone who’s gonna go Rome- run from the guys on the streets with bracelets, they pretend it’s free then beg for money. Should be illegal. But yeah, we stayed in town for abit, had my first glass of red wine without lemonade and it wasn’t so bad! Also had this mini cocktail, which was clearly just alcohol haha. Brutal stuff. Back on subject- the Trevi fountain itself is a beautiful fountain and landmark, I really would avoid it though till 12/1AM. I mean, we went about 9 and it was still packed- crowds upon crowds, could not get to it and well, didn’t want to push my way through when the army is there with AK47’s, I kid you not! So we just walked around abit, me and my love for sugar ended up buying ice cream and slushes, absolutely belting over there! Homemade, so fucking nice. Bought my gifts for everyone. When we managed to get to the fountain we sat for an hour it was chilled, relaxing, but in the corner on the road a couple were clearly getting too frisky haha. But all in all I got to see my main reason for going, so happy with that.
  Did you know you can buy weed in shops over there?!! Heck, that needs to happen with England. I bought some blueberry weed, very sweet, also got some tea and gummies, all not bad. Again, needs to legalise here. Annoying that it isn’t. Not alot if harm and it helps. It sure helps me. Especially my RLS!! Anyway good buys, went there the last day, just wanted a walk about!
  We just chilled otherwise.. like I said, hotel too out the way. So we ended up ordering takeaways, chilling by the pool. I don’t mind as it was still better than England, still a great break to have.
  I’m happy too as I only had one crash day, where I literally didn’t move out of bed, so that’s good. But now I’m home I’ve crashed ever since, and hot weather here isn’t the same- it’s fucking awful, my head and eyes won’t stop hurting. Sucks to be me haha. Anyway, this is all i had to post! Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, 4 June 2019

Five Feet Apart *I want to live*

  Okay, so I’m fresh off crying from watching the film ‘five feet apart’. Now, first of all if you haven’t watched it, please do, and if you have no clue what it’s about, it’s about two teens falling in love, they both have Cystic Fibrosis, which means it’s more than dangerous to be close together. So they come up with a plan to always be ‘five feet apart’.
  First part is my view of this film, and of course I loved it, I mean I love alot of movies like this- fault in our stars, now is good, midnight sun, everything everything... maybe it’s because I myself have an illness, wanting love, who knows?! But they do draw me in, and end up crying like a bitch! 🙄😂. But yeah- this film? It’s great, falling in love, real love, where you’re loved back, and both people strive for the other person, it’s rare these days, because people just wanna lie and cheat and can’t commit to one person only. I am an old romantic, like honestly, I am honest, faithful, try my best and 8362772%.
  This film really is a beautiful one, I know Cole lost weight for the role, which is dedication to the film and his acting! He did really fucking well as well, come so far since ‘the suite life of Zack and Cody! Haha. The film itself also shows awareness for Cystic Fibrosis. As sadly we live in such a fucking ignorant world, not many people even know what this illness is and what it entails! So yeah, the film promotes awareness for CF. It shows the struggles, the fight, how something simple can flare something up and then you could die, just yeah.

As for the second bit in the stars, it’s made me realise something, I would like to live, even though it’s hard having my illnesses. Nothing compared to CF, but at the same time it CAN be. I am sort of lucky it isn’t totally progressed, only bad thing? I know I’m getting worse daily. Sadly.
  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Fibromyalgia. Restless Legs Syndrome. Depression. It started with CFS, and then I just ended up with more illnesses, I’m pratically prone to be ill (mini illnesses or even getting another chronic incurable illness). All my illnesses are ‘silent illnesses’. Like, I look alright, so I cannot possibly be alright, right? Absolutely WRONG! The pain is constant. My tiredness. And lately my legs have been shaking and twitching more. I’ve been collapsing more. It’s just sucky dealing with all this. I’m 26, I should be living.
  This film has made me want to live, as much as I can be. I do want to find someone though it honestly can’t be where I am from. North West England. Why? Because everyone round here is a cunt, female and male alike. Judgemental, gossipers, I just don’t want anyone around here anymore! I deserve to be loved and not be the only one who loves in the relationship, like I have, wear my heart on my sleeve and I constantly get fucking hurt.
  All my life so far has been through alot of pain and hurt. Friends don’t see me or really care. Guys fuck me over. Family? I only have my mum and sisters tbh. I do have my cats which I’m thankful for. They kept me fighting at certain points in my life.
  My way of living? I want out of Wigan, North West, I wanna be someone better. But sadly unless I end up with a shit load of money that’s impossible. My body hates me, I can’t work. Selling nudes only gets me so much. I do intend to travel. Next week i shall be in Rome. NYE I’ll be in Paris and I want more places to go. I want to go Maldives, Thailand, America, Iceland and Germany.. maybe more but nothing jumps out at me. I know I don’t wanna go the typical horrible places people in England go. ‘ibiza, Spain,’ blah could think of nothing worse.
  Honestly, would be easier if I was rich, move out with my cats away from here, travel more wherever, whenever. Even if I only end up being able to go Rome and Paris, (illnesses and travel sickness may fuck shit up for me), at least I can say I tried. Even if I have to continue soending rest of my life fucked up in bed.
  I do want to live more. It just sucks money is the problem. Be trying to get benefits lately, having to keep visit docs get a ‘sick note’ coz I can’t work but they won’t give me PIP. THE government is joke. Helps out lazy cunts and people purely popping out babies so they don’t have to work but don’t help the sick because we ‘look okay’. Especially ‘looking okay’ for an hour chat where I prepared myself for it. Of course you’re not gonna see how bad I am. Not in a fucking hour!
  I want to find someone, I wouldn’t be arsed about the no friends and family then. I want to love and loved, the pureness etc.

Anyhow. Thanks for reading. If you have. :). 

Tuesday, 28 May 2019

Second game review Rage 2

  okaaaay guys! I have finished Rage 2 pretty much, main story done! Most the little bits there is tit do... done! And here’s my honest review on the game.

  I got to say first up- the story is very short which is a let down, I tried so hard not to go to the last mission... and then I had no other choice and was done in about 15 minutes! After defeating who I was supposed too, almost dying, coming back to life, there is nothing much else to do but do what I haven’t already, bountys, convoys, various killing of creatures and taking over their settlements... so yeah I kind of switched it off. As I’d done most of it, just a couple of boxes I never found or data pads and just couldn’t be bothered.
  Overall though I did love the game, absolutely 100%. I’ve never played Doom, but I looked at a trailer and I’d say, yes it’s a little like that... graphic wise. Gameplay I can’t comment on. My reference was always Fallout and Far Cry in one game, leaning more towards Far Cry.
  Not much else to say here... you should check out the game, I know there will be some extra content to download within the next few months, which I’m looking forward too.

Thursday, 16 May 2019

Game Review; Rage 2 (so far).

  Hey! Well this is something new for me, and I though I’d blog more NOT focusing in the shitty depression and shit life (though probably still will occasionally!). 
  Anyhow I got this when it was released (Tuesday) and played it since, literally obsessed. Like with any new game took me a hot minute to get used, pausing and double checking controls. I’m playing the game in Easy mode. I always do pretty much. I love playing games for their stories, not particularly for a challenge if I’m honest. The game starts in the first area where you are running through the settlement killing a bunch of the first enemies which we encounter. Pretty easy to get through, then you speak to Lily or Lucy something like this and she’s the one to send you outside to explore. 
  You start in the first vehicle (to me this has been the easiest to control anyway!) and drive down the road. The first encounter for me was the roadblock with Bandits. Eliminate all the Bandits, and then lower the roadblock. Again easy, more than likely because of the setting I chose! This done with begin driving again and soot another vehicle, which tells me to ‘go to a trade town to save vehicle). Me having no clue googled this, and obviously the first one is the next area along, so I travel hereto get the trade town saved since it’s also a place to ‘fast travel’ which kinda saves some time really!! Of course, on the way to this town there were more encounters to complete, though my mind has gone blank trying to think which ones, standard! Ha. 
  Once getting to this first trade town, you’re going to encounter a town to sell stuff, buy stuff, it’s a pretty small place, easy to navigate. In this town is the first person you have been sent to find and he gives you a mission down in the Sewer to turn it back on, as it’s been over run by enemies. Again, another great mini mission for you, and once this is done you have more chance to explore, and there are two other people you need to visit. But going into those areas are higher levels, so i decided to explore a hell of a lot more. I’ve done quite a but around the main road used so far, and I will be trying to explore of the map. 
  Online I keep checking stuff, and I keep seeing Rage being referred to ‘doom’ and ‘mad max’. I mean I haven’t played either BUT in my eyes it’s pretty much like Fallout and Far Cry. I mean the barren worlds, and then certain areas controlled by certain people (allies not enemies this time). 
  That’s all I have to say for now. But I do recommend you get it. Like I said only played it a couple days, but I’m already loving it and already obsessed!

Catchup, been a while!

  Hey you lot! I haven’t posted in a god awful while and I thought I would again. Starting with a catch up on my life... not much has changed, but at the same time, it has... complicated mind and all that shit, ey! Haha.
  Still single, lonely and alone. Barely see anyone either. Got fired from Bentleys Wigan over some chick who’d been there for two months... over my four years and two months, pretty shitty. But in reality? Blessing in disguise... I was only coping by taking alot of cocodomol, and drinking alot on the job, which in turn made my illnesses worse.
  Which brings me to my illnesses, yup, still shitty, in fact I am worse, which sucks but I’m trying. For once in my mind I’m a little positive, a little hopeful, a little... more than my depression. I’m trying to travel, Rome next month (I’ll totally blog a review! Which I’m gonna start doing.) and then i have Paris in NYE. The only problem, money. Sales are kinda slow and shit at the moment (reading this help me out!). So kinda struggling! Hell. But it needs to happen, I need to get out more... it isn’t fun being disabled, but I’m finally coming to terms after three years after being diagnosed. I just have to prepare. Be careful. I’m excited and a little worried but trying not to be. Just hope I can make them! Money needs to pick up. I finally tried for disability (PIP) but I got rejected. So gonna go for Universal cCredit and tell them I can’t work. Which I really can’t. I’ve had alot more weakness, falling at home, struggling to move at certain points, relying on my mum more. It does suck. Being 26, disabled, single for life, alone and lonely. But it is what it is hence why I totally wanna travel, just hope my body can cope, as I do also have travel sickness and hayfever, amongst my 5 illnesses... my, I’m a wreck haha.
  Anyhow, there isn’t much else to update with. Me myself and I. Hoping for a better life. More sales. And as always more cats hahaha.

Monday, 17 December 2018


 Hey guys. So. I thought I’d vent and blog about something other thank how shit my life is! Ha. 

  I thought I’d talk about something I believe in - reincarnation. I don’t know why I believe in this. I just do! I mean I’m not religious, I’m unsure about God, angels, etc, but reincarnation is something different?! 
  I believe myself must of been someone reallt fucking bad in a past life at one point because of life now punishing me. I don’t have a clue who. Kinda drawn to King Henry? Hmm. We’ll never know because I have nowhere i can get a Past Life Regression (aye, I’ve asked!). 
  And I have a feeling that my cat Kanye is both Tigger and Patch who passed as he has traits of both kitties. If that’s even possible like, being two souls into one? Now that’s a thought for you. I mean, has anyone ever mentioned such a thing before? If so I really haven’t seen it and it should be posted about more. 

I just wanted to put that point across. I’m too tired to say much else as I haven’t slept. 

Sunday, 9 December 2018

Bad Luck then Worse Luck, but never Good Luck...

  Been a while since I’ve posted. Like 4 months. Wow. I’m lay in bed right now with one of my cats on my chest. I’ve spent the day crying. To be honest I think I spend my whole life fucking crying. It’s wank. Seriously.
  You know when people say to think positive. Well guess what. I have a secret, it doesn’t actually work. I aint a total religious person, but I always call out to the higher beings, and lately I said to give me a sign, if my cat Kanye comes home then that is a sign that I will not kill myself on my Birthday (yes I had it planned. Well sort of. I knew which day, which date, just details to figure out). So yeah I asked this. And guess what. He came home. So here’s me thinking YES this 2019 is going to be my year. I’m finally gonna get what I deserve. Love, happiness, fun, support, money, cats, being okay... and then BOOM. Today I go the vets. Well yesterday now. As Kanye wesn’t himself. Turns out he has a collapsed lung. Needs an operation. Gonna be at least £600 for the op itself. Then another £260 on top for pain meds, xrays, scans, etc. But I just haven’t got that. My cats are my babies. My cats are the reason I kept fighting for so long. But this to me just shows me how much life hates me and just how much it loves to torture me... I mean giving me the sign to live... just to fucking torture me with more bad stuff in my life?! I just can’t. My poor furbaby is in pain, and I’m trying to raise money to help him- it’s Christmas and looks like it’s gonna be another depressing sad one, especially if I have to put my baby down! Blah. It’s unfair.
  I’m trying so hard you know to be happy, positive. Well I was. Now Imm back to hating life. It’s unfair. I know I have a lot of cats. But doesn’t make it any easier, I’m still reeling from Patch and Tigger dying. I’m still hurting from Daisy and Lucifer going missing and more than likely never coming home. Kanye though he came home. And I was happy. Till this. I either got to pit him down or I have to let him suffer. It’s so unfair.
  What else have I to update you on?? Hm. I’ve dated a couple guys, both turned into cunts. I mean the last one I fell for super badly. Like so intensely. More than my last shitty ex. He was great at the beginning, but then it was like... he admitted to hiding his phone from me as he messaged other girls, wanted to be with me but wanted to keep me a secret, sly comments about other women etc, ignored me, just shit like that. But the good side made me fall hard. I want romance i want neediness, and he was AT FIRST. I really believe I won’t find anyone. Heck that’s a given since my Birthday is in a few bloody months lets be real. I let guys in they fuck me over. Yeah i get my downfall is being too shallow. But the saying goes, ‘you can’t fuck personality’ and that’s true. Unless ofc you’re drunk asf. We’ve all been there. Well unless you’re a male, ‘any hole is a goal’. I tried to go for people I wasn’t attracted too anf it just never worked. Again all those people who fu ke dme over are all happy as larry and I’m sat here day in day out, spending 95% of my time in bed and 90% of it crying.
  Don’t worry I don’t always hate life. I mean I do appreciate that atm (till i pay the vets) that I can manage to eat (won’t be able too soon cats come first!), I’m thankful for the only people who give a shit friends wise. Two of thwm. They know who they are— pub quizzzz ha. All the others seem to blank me and ignore me. Don’t give a shit. But hey. I won’t then!
  Work (now if you’re seeing this bossman- which I doubt sorry hahaha). Basically I’m so under-appreciated. I only work part time but I sure as hell pull my weight and make sure everythings good. I mean I been at the bar 4 years! My online stuff? Kinda shitty. I’m hoping it’s just coz of Christmas. I could use money ha.
Facebook groups join Teddy Vibers and Bootylicious. Fuck the real Lamp Lovers going commercialised anf ignoring me hahaha.
Oh and illnesses suck again lately. Can’t sleep at night. So much pain. Just all the usual illness bullshit since I have 5! Tight tight tight. Just want something bloody happy and good!

Anyway. I’m sat here falling asleep. If you wanna help me ?
Please donate and join in my funds for Kanye. I’m actually begging you. I need my baby home.

Anyway. Goodnight.
I just wanna be happt. But clearly. That won’t be then cast...