Does living forever exist?

  Jeez guys, honestly lately my mind is just… a mess. Literally still thinking about not existing etc, it’s consuming me. Never in my life have I been scared like this. Probably because I’m nearing 30? Huh. It’s weird. Nearly 30. I don’t seem it. I’m still at home. Sadly. The disabled life giving me a limited life. 

  It’s crazy these thoughts. Why can’t I just be normal ha. Last night I almost threw up over it. I kid you not I was gonna throw up over it. 

  I mean, we are born and die… but what if you could live forever, would you? I know I would. I know my depression gets better of me sometimes and I wanna not be here but mostly the not existing is a scary thought. Because what happens after death? I truly believe at this moment…

Nothing. 

  So yeah, scary thought. Can I just jump into one of my books and be some bad ass angel or something?  Could I please just know what happens? Is there hypotherapy for this shit to stop it consuming me? Because I can’t live like this.

Those thoughts.

  So. It’s 3am and my mind is in overdrive. Especially regarding my last post. I just can’t stop thinking. 

  What about? Dying and ceasing to exist. It’s a real scary thought. And actually just makes me wanna live forever. But I know that isn’t the case.  

  In all honesty I actually feel sick thinking of it. Like I wish I could know what happens. 

 Help. Mad thoughts.