It's been a while. I've just been so fucking tired. I still am. I still find no point in living. I don't get it. I try, I fail, try again. When am I just gonna accept my fate. I am not supposed to ever find someone.
It always sounds promising... then guess what? There is always someone else, someone better. Fighting myself every day, it's hard. It was manageable because of the pills I was on. Now they have switched them. And now guess what? I'm not feeling life again. I wish I had the balls to give up. I really do.
People tell me to be thankful for what I have, cheer up, blah blah blah. But it isn'4 that fuckig easy. Life is a giant ball of mess. I'm so lonely, so alone. But there is nothing for me. Noone for me. It always messes up.
I get a glimpse of happiness, and then it goes. It's a massive headache. I hate living. I can't even be normal because of the CFS/ME side of things. It kills me off, to always be tired, in pain, along with many other shitty symptoms. It sucks big time.
What does it take for a male to grow up and actually be a man? Nothing it seems. They just stay boys and never fucking grow up. Always wanting more than one girl. Always being olayers and head fucks. I mean, I haven't got time for that messed up bullshit anymore. If I want you I want you and nobody else... but fuck knows why.
My patience is going though. I am gonna end up being like a 'boy' and then play the bous around like they do with me. I mean what is the point in being faithful when I am not with anyone? And they do not have the mindset I have... they clearly just want sex. And I mean sex can be good, I have a high sex drive. But I'm done with fighting life alone.
I have no idea who even reads my blog. Or if anyone even does. But like I have said before. If I need to vent this is how I vent. My shitty blog. I wish I could just up and jump out of life and live in one of my books, films, or TV shows. The ones with good endings and love and being wanted by someone for onxe.
Maybe life would be easier if there was no life anymore. Life is too much of a fight.