Tuesday 4 June 2019

Five Feet Apart *I want to live*

  Okay, so I’m fresh off crying from watching the film ‘five feet apart’. Now, first of all if you haven’t watched it, please do, and if you have no clue what it’s about, it’s about two teens falling in love, they both have Cystic Fibrosis, which means it’s more than dangerous to be close together. So they come up with a plan to always be ‘five feet apart’.
  First part is my view of this film, and of course I loved it, I mean I love alot of movies like this- fault in our stars, now is good, midnight sun, everything everything... maybe it’s because I myself have an illness, wanting love, who knows?! But they do draw me in, and end up crying like a bitch! 🙄😂. But yeah- this film? It’s great, falling in love, real love, where you’re loved back, and both people strive for the other person, it’s rare these days, because people just wanna lie and cheat and can’t commit to one person only. I am an old romantic, like honestly, I am honest, faithful, try my best and 8362772%.
  This film really is a beautiful one, I know Cole lost weight for the role, which is dedication to the film and his acting! He did really fucking well as well, come so far since ‘the suite life of Zack and Cody! Haha. The film itself also shows awareness for Cystic Fibrosis. As sadly we live in such a fucking ignorant world, not many people even know what this illness is and what it entails! So yeah, the film promotes awareness for CF. It shows the struggles, the fight, how something simple can flare something up and then you could die, just yeah.

As for the second bit in the stars, it’s made me realise something, I would like to live, even though it’s hard having my illnesses. Nothing compared to CF, but at the same time it CAN be. I am sort of lucky it isn’t totally progressed, only bad thing? I know I’m getting worse daily. Sadly.
  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Fibromyalgia. Restless Legs Syndrome. Depression. It started with CFS, and then I just ended up with more illnesses, I’m pratically prone to be ill (mini illnesses or even getting another chronic incurable illness). All my illnesses are ‘silent illnesses’. Like, I look alright, so I cannot possibly be alright, right? Absolutely WRONG! The pain is constant. My tiredness. And lately my legs have been shaking and twitching more. I’ve been collapsing more. It’s just sucky dealing with all this. I’m 26, I should be living.
  This film has made me want to live, as much as I can be. I do want to find someone though it honestly can’t be where I am from. North West England. Why? Because everyone round here is a cunt, female and male alike. Judgemental, gossipers, I just don’t want anyone around here anymore! I deserve to be loved and not be the only one who loves in the relationship, like I have, wear my heart on my sleeve and I constantly get fucking hurt.
  All my life so far has been through alot of pain and hurt. Friends don’t see me or really care. Guys fuck me over. Family? I only have my mum and sisters tbh. I do have my cats which I’m thankful for. They kept me fighting at certain points in my life.
  My way of living? I want out of Wigan, North West, I wanna be someone better. But sadly unless I end up with a shit load of money that’s impossible. My body hates me, I can’t work. Selling nudes only gets me so much. I do intend to travel. Next week i shall be in Rome. NYE I’ll be in Paris and I want more places to go. I want to go Maldives, Thailand, America, Iceland and Germany.. maybe more but nothing jumps out at me. I know I don’t wanna go the typical horrible places people in England go. ‘ibiza, Spain,’ blah could think of nothing worse.
  Honestly, would be easier if I was rich, move out with my cats away from here, travel more wherever, whenever. Even if I only end up being able to go Rome and Paris, (illnesses and travel sickness may fuck shit up for me), at least I can say I tried. Even if I have to continue soending rest of my life fucked up in bed.
  I do want to live more. It just sucks money is the problem. Be trying to get benefits lately, having to keep visit docs get a ‘sick note’ coz I can’t work but they won’t give me PIP. THE government is joke. Helps out lazy cunts and people purely popping out babies so they don’t have to work but don’t help the sick because we ‘look okay’. Especially ‘looking okay’ for an hour chat where I prepared myself for it. Of course you’re not gonna see how bad I am. Not in a fucking hour!
  I want to find someone, I wouldn’t be arsed about the no friends and family then. I want to love and loved, the pureness etc.

Anyhow. Thanks for reading. If you have. :). 

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