Monday 28 June 2021

If I was simple in the mind…

…everything would be fine. 
  Love those lyrics from my Kid Cudi. Such an underrated artist! Honestly we all know how much I love him haha. 

  Anyway. The mind of mine is in overdrive. Again! I’ve said I have no hope. But I think I have a little. But I don’t know anyone. The only girly part of me is wanting romance and finding someone. But. I just don’t know anymore. Hmm. 

  I was starting to speak someone new. But yet again I got pied off before anything happened. Kinda gutted. Kinda used to it. Kinda fed up. 
I’m sick of having to beg for attention, I’m sick of all the wrong guys, or no guys. I’m sick of fake friends/no friends. I’m sick of having a messed up head! 

  I want to be happy. Even if that means me being on my own. But it’s so hard. I don’t know. I’m praying and preaching to the Universe asking and saying to give me my happiness. But if that happens or not time will tell, let’s just hope I’m not pushed over the edge on one of the bad days. 

  I want to be out in the world but that shizz is hard thanks to the illnesses… cmon can someone just have a cure already or some help? I go out and end up asleep for hours. I work out. Asleep for hours. It’s hard. 

  So many people get good friends and a good relationship and they are literally always the ones who don’t deserve it. Yet just drops in their laps. I try my hardest and I just get nobody, nothing, and being sick! It’s unfair. 

  I’m sick of life. But life doesn’t wanna change. No matter how much I try. And pray. And hope. And trust me. I do. 

  Can someone just be a real mate? Or a decent guy? 
No okay. 

I need to just… blah. 

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