Thursday 13 October 2016

I don't know how to be okay.

  If you follow me on Social Media. You would have seen I am currently struggling with the depression side of things... it really pisses me off to be frank. What'/ making it worse right now is I meet someone and I have to pester for attention, a fucking reply, like seriously... all I want is company. Because like I always say... I have given up on ever finding someone else. Finding happiness. How unfair.
  I struggle so bad right now. Like I just do not see the point in life. I am just soooo consumed by loneliness and being alone. I know I have friends who care. But there are only one or two who reach out to me. Talk to me. Actually reply. It just isn'5 fair.
  What did I do? Seriously. Why do i deserve to be fucked around.

  It'/ like everytime I try to be happy or be okay. Something happens and it collapses around me. And I just don'5 know why I bother. In fact I am going to try so fucking hard not to bother anymore. People. Whatever.
  My life is just gonna be lived with those lonely shitty life till I finally get pushed so far over the esge... there will be no coming back... at least I won't feel so lost anymore. I'd just be... gone.
  I just want to be okay. To experience happiness. But I don't think it will happen anymore. Oh well.

  On to a completley different subject to not make you feel so suicidal like I am... just how good is Prison Break?! I mean it was slow at first and really bored me... till episode three... then boom. My interest is hight on that show! I've nearly finished watching it... you know with this no life of mine being able to watch something constantly because I don'5 really get out because of my CFS/ME and people just not wanting to see me! But yeah. I find it such a brilliant show. I used to say to people that it was shit years and years ago but then I saw the season that is statting in January and was like... I should really fucking watch this me. And there we go DVDs bought! Probably keep rewatching Once Upon a Time after this series. Then I dunno ... I have One Tree Hill, Supernatural, Lost, Luther, Gossip Girl and Roswell to get through and re watch. Among my American shows that are restarting again. Did I mention no life?! Hahaha.

Anyway. If you took the time to read this thanks! And If you are a fighter, like me? Can message me. Can't aay I will be much help. But I shall try...