I'm a fighter...

  I'm a fighter... but I see no point in fighting anymore. And I mean it. The only thing I see myself worth living for? My cats. My mum. The couple decent friends I have. But that's it. But in my eyes I will not be missed maybe just a little bit. But then it'll stop and I will be forgotten like everyone else in the world unless they're famous!
  Sad but true fact I believe. Just like people are always fake offering condolences... just for the likes. If I died today. Those who have given me shit in the past would do exactly that. It's such a joke this world, living is no fun.
  Literally. All I do is sleep all week, work weekends. What kond of life is this? The only thing that makes me happy is receiving gifts and money... a sad and true fact. No shame but I wish there was more that made me happy... but I just do not see it.
  I have a psychic reading tomorrow, I'm pretty excited, but also scared. Always been intrugued by this world. I have had a phone reading before but this is in person.

  My illness crashed from me going back and forth last week. Energy is like in the minuses plus the soreness. Just so many bullshit symptoms. I never feel okay, and it annoys me. I hate myself for having my illness... even though it isn't my fault... but it sucks. It's like I'm a villain or somethig isn't it... 'villians never get their happy endings'. Just a bunch of bullshit dilemmas and sadness. Like last week was hectic. Going back and forth into town... if I was normal I would have been fine, but noooo... that's what made my illness crash! I went for my glasses fixed... now I have glued glasses since they haven't got the frame yet, I also went for my phone fixed, the first day they had no screens, the day after I got home and realised they had broke my goddamn camera, went AGAIN the day after telling them come back the week after... lose my phone for a day then come back. Like seriously?! Timewasters in the findom world like always... just annoys me really.
  Nothing goes well for me. And I just wish that something went well for once in my life. Not collapse around me continuously!

  I've never been loved. Never felt loved. That shit is a fact. Especially by my first ex. The way he treated me my god, he proper fucked me up, I'm still not completely over that shit!
  I'm so lonely and alone. I know it will always be this way, but it does not mean it doesn't hurt any less. I think about it daily. How it would be nice to not be so alone and lonely. Be loved. Have friends who bother with me first for once rather than always being me... just please. I'm frd up of feeling the wasy I do 24/7.