Saturday 7 May 2016

I just don't know what the fuck to do.

Pardon the swearing.
But god I'm emotional today! And as always I have noone to turn too. Not even my own 'boyfriend' gives a fuck about me. I mean there are so many simple things he could do to make me better... But no. I come second to everybody else.
I mean. I want someone to want me. Only me. Puts me first. Does whatever it takes to make me trust him... As I have beem through sooo much bullshit that I just have so many trust issues!

If you really cared for someone you'd make an effort wouldn't you? You'd put them first. I don't know. I feel so worthless, even more so than I did. I can honestly say my head is fucked!

I think it's my CFS/ME. I'm always more emotional when its a bad day. And it's always after I have worked.

I'm just so fed up. I don't want to be lonely and alone anymore. But with no real friends who want to see me, and a boyfriend who also doesn't wanna see me and is ashamed,,, well I can't help feeling lonely and alone.

I made myself strong. But this guy made me weak. Maybe I would be better off alone. Just me and my cats. I mean they love me and never leave my side. Why would I want more? I guess I'm fed up of the aching of my heart.

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