Tuesday 16 August 2016

Fantastic... Not.

  So I just had a nap. Hoping to feel like myself again... But naaa. Life is still fucking against me. My eyes are focusing a little bit better at least this time... Honestly. With my illness. I wouldn't even wish it upon someone I really fucking hate. And that is saying something. I mean. Sleep never helps but you need a fucking lot. My body constantly aches. It just isn't fucking fair.
  My depression is still making me feel like shit too. I actually just feel so lonely and alone. One of those days when I miss having someone of the opposite sex... But at the same time know it is for the best know it is a good job I will forever be single. I mean I'm such a fucking burden.
  Don't bother saying 'you'll find someone' I realised that will never be the case. Too many fuckboys, and males just never seem to grow up. Always fucking boys!!
  I should of been born in the 60s for the romance when it still fucking existed and when most males would be faithful and romantic... Well. I hope anyway. It seems it. I mean. Never has someone bought me flowers just for the sake out to be all cute and shit. It isn't fair.
  The Financial Domination thing is still slow as well, literally constant timewasters... And it's like just don't. I like gifts. And if you say you will buy yoi should. Not just get my goddamn hopes up as I can't spoil myself. But yet there are a few people who around here have copied me and doing well. I so wish I hadn't been so public about it. Because then I wouldn't of been copied.
  On about being copied... It always happens. Like alot. I mean I'm myself. Yet no other fucker is.
  I wish I could work full time still. I miss having money. Always being busy. Too busy to worry about fucktards that fuck me over. I miss having alot of money too.
  I should continue to write but recently my energy really hasn't been so good. Been so up and down. Not able to sleep at night, sleeping all day, and if I wake up too early I get about 728373 more symptoms of my illness... But yet sleep never fucking helps either.
  I wish I wasn't so picky with men, but at the same time... I have to be. I don't want to just settle just because. Like everyone around here popping out like 60 kids. I never want kids. I really feel so strong about that, I don't get broody for humans.... I get broody for cats... But my mum won't let me get anymore... And I can't afford to move out.
  So much shit goes on in my mind it makes me crazy. I want someone. I don't. It's bullshit. Loneliness hurts me. You'll probably be sat there like wtf is she on. I'll tell ya... Hating life and going through too much. Everyone leaves. One of the strongest statements written on my body, and one of the truest.
  Why was I born into a horrible place with the worst people ever? Comstantly fucked over by humans? Having some of my cats die? Abused? Some other shit I'm not ready to come out with yet but absolutely fucking ruined me? Why was I given my illnesses? Why do I have to fight all the fucking time with myself? Life isn't fair with me. I have never known true happiness. And I never will.

Yep, I still hate life and wish I wasn't here.

No comments:

Post a Comment