As the title says... I prefer when I'm okay. My version of okay is literally being emotionless... I'm getting more and more days like this and I think it's because I don't bother anymore. With anyone. I mean what is the point? Noone is fucked about me. They always act like they do, but were are they on my goddamn down days?! They are not around.
If I could choose I would always be heartless and emotionless only showing affection for my cats... Wasy way way easier. I'd rather sit and talk to my cats now. These days people can barely keep a conversation!! Or they do then out of nowhere? Disappear.
It's annoying. Very annoying. My illness makes it impossible for me to live a normal life. I have to sleep alot, simple things can exhaust me wnd make me crash, I mean I do have a high sex drive, which should of actually gone but never had... But what use is having a sex drive when noone to fulfill those needs much and you aren't even easy.
I had a friend the other day tell me how it was weird that I had pretty much never had a best friend, but it's true. I mean, I have never fully trusted anyone. Or noone stuck around long enough.
In my eyes I still stick by 'everyone leaves' because they do.