Best thing for me.

Recently. I have just been numb in the mind, not been really emotional. Not got time to think due to being more tired, maybe I should keep at these late nights so I don't have to think! Hahaha.

If you're reading this and you feel like you know you can relate to maybe depression, and feeling lonely you're always free to message me... I mean. I've been a fighter all my life, I cope well enough but there are some times when I don't really cope. Those days are the worst. When I sit there thinking 'what is the point of me being alive'? I mean. Single. Can't work. Still at home. Not many friends. They only bother when they want too... You know how it is.

It is 100% hard on those times.

The only thing that really cheers me up? Peoplebuying me things! So if you are reading this and you are one of those that buys things... Go ahead and buy them! Make me feel happy!

Another thing to make me happen is my cats as well.

I do need another reason to live.

I guess. I shouldn't be sooo depressed, but I can't help it since it is a mental illness... They need a goddamn cure for this along with CFS. I'm fighting every day I stay alive. Like more than others. People always tell me 'people are worse' and yes I know that, but it doesn't mean I can cope any better than others... I am coping by just sleeping. But what is life? When all I do is sleep?

I do need more reasons to live, because right now my only reasons are my cats and my three Kanye, Cudi, and Vic... And then my other artists, basically just my music, how sad. Cats and music.

But at least I have them reasons... I think without my cats I wouldn't be here, they are legit my babies, yes I am a crazy cat lady!! And not ashamed!! Hahaha.

I'm not sleeping at night at the moment... I get in bed and my mind is just so overthinking, I'm so sad, I just breakdown and cry... Literally my sleep at night is me getting into bed, sleeping, but not sleeping because I am aware of me trying to sleep... This is till around 6am and I finally fall asleep, and then I get woken by my family who do not know how to be quiet and just scream and bang around.... And then I finally fall asleep about 9/10. But I'm forcing myself to wake at 12 at least. But god, my head and body hurts more and my tiredness is bloody intense.

I don't know what I did to deserve a shit life, ai think if I got more than £60 a week I'd be happier, I'd have more money, because in Financial Domination there are so many timewasters and criers.

Maybe someone is listening to me... I just want to finally be happy.

I've been in a bad place recently...

for those who personally know me, know recently I've been in a fucked up place. But hey I should eventually come out of this, well, I always do eventually... Life is so hard with my illnesses, and yes I know people have it worse, but I should be allowed not to cope if I can't and sometimes, I really really can't.

Not much has and can cheer me up right now, other than cats, money, and gifts...

What's causing my breakdowns? I'm unsure. It's like I lie in bed and think how lonely and alone I am, and even though I have friends, I will never get that 'special someone'. I trust noone and noone even wants me in the first place.

My eyesight is doing my head in. It's like my CFS is making my eyesight blur and unable to focus sometimes... It really sucks.

I would love to be normal and illness free. People take life for granted, you don't know a thing when you struggle to live and love off hardly a thing because you can only work part time but have keep and cats to pat for...

An endless shitty cycle.

Me Before You.

Wow wow wow.

Okay so when I heard of this movie coming out (I actually hadn't heard of it before, even though it was a book first). But yeah I went and got the book, obviously... And so I read that book, I also got the book After You as well.
Jojo Moyes is a brilliant authour and I ended up getting even more of her books, some I haven't read yet, because I have like 50 books I have yet to get through!!

But yeah, this book and movie are both brilliant, of course the movie left out some points of the book, but still I loved every second. It is going to be one of my favourite Romance movie and book for a very long time.

The whole thing where there isn't an actual proper happy ending was a change from the obvious happy ending... Which in this case it would have been Will staying alive and living happily ever after with Louise.
The storyline of the paralytic is a strong one, and obviously some people have spread hate but in all honesty people need to take a chill pill and put themself in the characters shoes! If I was Will I actually would have done the same... Love is sometimes not enough to want to stay alive. In some ways I have felt like Will in that sense, I know CFS/ME is not really as bad but it can give you the sense of no longer wanting to live.

If you haven't read the book. I suggest you do. THEN watch the movie. Like I said some things are missed out but isn't that always the case of movie adaptations.

I really do hope they make a movie adaptation of After You.