Sunday 1 December 2019

Living with ME/CFS, and a whole bunch of shite.

  Hey! I probably have done a post like this- but I have so many. And well, this illness and then others I have (illnesses within my main illness I call it!) they all still need awareness. And sadly, that will hardly change. We live in such an ignorant world. Girls still can’t be sexy without being told they’re sluts. Porn is a sin. Women should wear outfits that cover all parts of their bodies. Tattoos should be illegal. Etc, etx. The world sucks. Well. Humanity does. Anyway. Going off topic here. I’ll like sub-title the various illnesses. Talk about them. I’ll do my ‘main’ illness last I think.

RLS (restless legs syndrome). 
  Okay, restless legs syndrome. One of the mildest of my lot. Which is why I thought I’d start with this. Quick and easy you know haha. Well like I said mine aint so bad. I only have the fact that I need to move my legs, mainly when asleep. I have had twitching in my legs, but not had any kicking out etc, yet. Since you know, all my illnesses will just get worse and worse. It’s manageable- stay sober! I mean, alcohol really kicks it off. I was once ‘pedalling’ in my bed and my sister was like wtf you doing. But yeah, it’s not so bad at the moment. And since I aint drinking (well trying, pretty sure I’ve been an alcohol trying to cope), it’s manageable more than ever. Like I said. Only really kicks off at night, and not always. Just need to move my legs. Stretch them. Whatever. Nothing helps mind. Not really. Just have to grin and bear it... buttttt that’s what I have to do with them all! 

IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). 
  Another one that’s easily managed. Well, it was. Lately, it seems to be kicking off with cramping... a lot! This one isn’t so silent. Alot of people tend to have this. Or at least know of this. It’s one of my most known shitty illnesses. It is manageable, everything kicks it off at some point, just good and bad days and whether this wanna kick off or not. The main thing that does set this off, anything spicy. Which sucks I used to love spicy stuff... till yeah it got worse haha. I mean, I still go for it sometimes, garlic and onions mainly, and they’re not so bad and don’t always kick it up. Oooo. Antoher reason I don’t wanna drink. I drink? My ibs isn’t my friend for at least a week. When I last drank, I couldn’t eat for a week. Pointless. Would be straight toilet. Now that sucked. Like I said. Manageable. Mostly. 

  Okay. We’ll start with this one for the silent illnesses. I mean it’s highly know. Just highly fucking ignored! At the moment me dealing with this isn’t good. I’m mentally fucked. Mentally crazy. Mentally drained. Why? Because I’m 26 years old and I’m a goddamn burden. Especially because of the CFS/ME/Fibro... but more of that in the next one haha. But yeah mentally not good at the moment. I must cry daily. I mean, I’m crying right now. It just sucks to be in my situation. I should be living, out there, moved out, have friends, have someone... but instead no. I have noone. I mean, I do have my mum, sisters, nephew and my 12 furry ball cats. And I am thankful. But I’ve gotten good at hiding my sadness from them. Trust me- they’ve no clue I cry all the time. Just how I want it. Us depression lot are good at hiding. In fact not just with the family I have... wanna know something? You can hide it from everyone and anyone. It’s easy when you’re in company. It’s when you’re completely alone and by yourself that you break. For all you who follow me Social Media. You would have seen my posts lately. Loneliness is my main issue. Always get ‘you’re so pretty/attractive to be lonely’. Lol. Looks don’t mean shit. Not when I’m in a place full of assholes. I mean. Most this area have no clue about me, but because of my business I’m a slut and a horrible person. Na. I’m fucking great. In fact I’m that great I get walked over by shitty mates and guys. BUT  thankfully my depression does not take a hit against people and their abusive irrelevant hurtful comments, which is a good thing. You hear how people like me can’t cope that way. But my depression is deeply... on others and not myself. Well. A little myself. I mean there are days when I’m thinking I’m ugly. But then I realise heck I aint. The fact that I’m also nice too, if you are deserving!yeah. My depression is largely because I have no real mates who give a fuck and that I feel I can talk too and let loose everything in my fucked up mind. Noone truly knows me. Maybe I don’t either haha. I mean for example, my Social posts lately screaming out for these so called mates to reach out. Till I snapped and told a couple that they were shit mates and selfish. They tried to swing it saying I was the shit mate and I was like ‘who is the one who fucking messages and replies and isn’t ignorant.. ME!’ They didn’t like it but I’m done pussy footing and putting others first when I’m not appreciated! Not only that but guys really do fuck me around. Take the last guy I was seeing. Said at first it was sex. Which was fine. But he knew I was getting feelings, started even saying I was ‘wifey material’ he ‘missed me’ and that all I needed was him. And well, if that aint a head fuck I don’t know what is. After a couple of months he turned round and was like ‘I want a girlfriend, just not you’. Oh I’m still fucking hurt over that. He’s now seeing someone knew. While my sex drive has gone to shit. (Again anyone who got me on Socials know I have a high sex drive and constantly horny haha, one thing that wasn’t effected by my mental state till now). Sounds silly but I know if I had actual real true friends, or a boyfriend, wishful thinking for both... I would be okay. I mean, Everytime I date someone. Or it seems someone is my mate. I’m completely okay. But my head doesn’t wanna accept me being lonely and alone. I’ve always had it this way though. Never had decent mates. Just jumped from person to person to see who would let me chill with them. My childhood friend I thought we were close but that was all fake too... waiting to replace me as soon as high school started. I’m just fed up of being treated like shite. I still try and search for someone like my ex, which is a big hit on my depression too. Love really messes with you. I really would have rather never to have loved. Ever. I mean, noone has loved me, so why should I have loved?? It’s unfair. Honestly. What I mean is my ex I loved him completely. Still do. I would go back in a heartbeat because of my loneliness. In fact every time he’s single he knows this and bloody gets in touch. But yeah. He never loved me. In fact. He’s one of those that does not know real love. He moved on from every girlfriend within a few days. Even admitted himself he doesn’t like to be alone. Then you get me, had one boyfriend since, loved him too, but I just couldn’t forget my ex. He broke me. But he was emotionally abusive, almost would of been physical, but I snapped and got out. But yeah. I do actually go towards those emotionally abusive ones then wonder why the fuck I’m so fucked up. Oh depression. It’s hard to deal with. But people need to be more open about it. It’s still considered weak in my eyes though if you admit it. But then suicide rates are higher. I mean, I’m mentally suicidal. But do you know I’m scared to die. Because you’re just gone. If I got over that. I wouldn’t be here. Trust me. And I don’t wanna be here. Well, have my mind wants to continue dreaming, hoping, fighting and live forever. Then the other half is the complete opposite. My dark side. My light side. Depression is super complicated and hurts yourself. I’m currently on 200mg Sertraline. But they’re clearly not working so well anymore. But what am I to do..? I’ll change the pills. But I’m gonna wait till after Paris, because they made me ill starting and when I upped my dose, and wel. Travelling is already hard to do. It’s a much needed break though. Very needed. Wow. Depression hits me hard. I wanna be normal. The bad thoughts to go. 

CFS/ME/Fibro (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Fibromyalgia.
  Okay. Last one. Well ones. I mean CFS/ME are the same. And Fibro is something different, BUT they’re also basically the same. It’s bloody confusing, right? Now try dealing with them! Haha. CFS is the main illness of mine. The first one. It got worse after splitting with my last ex and working full and part time. So basically 7 days a week (actually miss that). I’d be losing my voice 24/7, getting tonsillitis every other week.. that’s when I knew something was wrong. Took me a year get diagnosed. And a change of doctors. I was happy to finally be told what was up, but broken because there is no cure and I’m only gonna get worse, and that is proving to be happening. Fibro is kind of like CFS, but I’d say the more pain side is the Fibro! That’s what’s been said anyway. Of course this bad physical side will effect my mental side. I mean like I said in depression, I’m a burden. Now. Let me get into that for you. I’m 26. I’m living at home. I’m barely out of bed. I struggle sometimes to make it downstairs. I struggle sometimes to make myself food. I struggle to simply move. I know there are people worse off than me. Everyone is different. But we’re all fighting. Our own battles. Mainly by ourselves. Because we have nobody. Nobody understands unless they have it. For years I’ve had ‘mates’ tell me stop exaggerating, to ‘get a job’ to ‘get outside’. Not just mates but randoms too. But it hurts off those mates more because they should be supporting me. Not making me feel useless. Just because they aint seen how bad I can get. It sucks. I’m a burden for my mum because well, I can’t do much. And I’m at that age where I should be helping more. But yeah, it’s hard. I’ve collapsed a few times. And my legs feel heavy and weak and like they may snap at the knees. Before I got bad I used to work out daily. 20 mins at home. But I lost so much weight and felt great... then of course now I can’t. I miss my muscles. I miss working out. It made me feel better mentally and physically. Now I’m so weak. I struggle with doing my makeup. I have to lean on pillows and prop my arms up. Don’t even get me started on my head. Lately felt like my head needs to be propped up as i struggle to keep it up. Like, it can start to droop or whatever. My speech slurs. My words come out the wrong way. If I cut myself I need to get it covered or I’ll not stop bleeding, maybe get infected. I once fell over and had the smallest cut on my shin, but it got infected. And to this day it still aches ha. So clearly I don’t heal well. I mean when I had a cancer op on my vagina  that also aches. Bruising? That happens easily too. I’m in constant pain anyway. Mainly my arms as they’re used most. But my legs. And if it’s a really bad day my joints and just feel like crying. In fact I do cry. But yeah. Don’t let noone know or see. Inmiss being young and having more energy then this. No matter what I do. I’m tired and hurting. I said I was getting worse. And I am every day. If I go out obviously my illnesses are gonna be super shitty can maybe last an hour then my head hurts, and my head droops, and I just can’t concentrate. I need my bed. Which of course contributes to that pesky loneliness of mine. I thought I had something up with my side. Turns out just the illness. Had the flu twice already. Anything thy at gets up with me that’s ‘new’ more than likely the illnesses hating on me again. Dating is hard. I mean obviously gonna be online I have to meet someone. But yeah, it’s hard. Last date I had to turn round and be like ‘you need to take me home, I feel sick’. I’ve had plenty guys pie me off for being riddled with illnesses. And it just brings me back to my loneliness and being alone... I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone. Not with being so sick. And getting worse every second. I just want to feel human again. But I feel like a shell. My life isn’t lived. My little happiness tends to be gaming and reading and watching stuff... but sometimes I can’t even do that. And those days are happening more and more. It’s really sucky to be me. And as my Doc said ‘it’s not gonna get better just worse’. I’ve taken cocodomol every day for about 8 months. Maybe longer. Would honestly be fucked without. Sometimes of course they don’t work. And I stupidly just take more. But ‘because I’m young’ they won’t give me anything else’. Which sucks. Death by pills wouldn’t happen. I mean I can take like 12 even more and just be knocked out for a couple of hours. It’s weird because I feel my heart both fighting and wanting to give up. Weird sensation. How do I cope with the CFS/Fibro? Resting 24/7. And sleeping. It’s not fun. And because ‘I don’t look sick’. I get people trying to say I’m faking it or just simply being arses and trying to belittle and bully. NO YOU WILL NOT GET TO ME! Also, those stupid comments ‘but just try this’ ‘work out’ ‘eat this’ ‘everyone gets tired’ ‘oh I have what you have because I’m tired’. Just. Behave. You’d know if you suffered. It makes life unbearable. It hurts. Blah. 

  Okay. I’m done for now talking about them. If you read this, could you share it? Let’s get silent illnesses more awareness. I’m so thankful for my cats and the small family support. But heck, loneliness and getting worse daily is really taking a hit. I don’t know how much fight I have left. Or if I will finally getting over being scared to die etc. I know I’m never gonna find anyone. And it sucks I’m surrounded by fake friends and selfish people.
  For all you other warriors, how do you cope? Are you as mentally fucked as me? Or how in the hell do you stay positive? I think I need some help and advice to stay strong. My fight isn’t as good and I’m just not strong anymore.
  Oh and how can I forget. Music helps me a little too. I would not know what to do without my music. Especially my mains, Kid Cudi, Vic Mensa, Kanye and Chance. All but Chance have suffered mentally and that goes through into their music. Especially Cudi and Vic. Their lyrics and music is fantastic. They’re a huge help.

  Thankyou for having a read. Hope you actually read it all. ;).

Saturday 21 September 2019

Spain. Barcelona!

  Like I said before. Gonna try blog about my travelling etc! Okay so this is my second holiday this year. I enjoyed it, except I was ill most of it! It would of been due to the fact that even before the holiday I had a UTI which went into a kidney infection, so those on top of my illnesses means my immune system which is pretty non existent already, is at it’s lowest! Tight.
  Other than that I did enjoy myself- I should of took it easy at the beginning but silly me pushed myself to get out a little (thinking back this would of been why I was really ill etc!).
  It was a lovely place where we stayed, I chose a hotel that had a pool, and it was right next to the beach. I mean, I don’t like the beach that much... but hearing and watching the waves was quite peaceful. It’s a shame for myself as well as I can’t really get in the pool because it makes me ill with the chlorine and my vag.
  The weather was really warm, and being back in England I swear I brought it back. But too much sun, blah. I’m missing the cold! I go to Paris NYE, I’m hoping it isn’t warm, but not too cold either haha! I’m excited.
  THe place we stayed was Quinta Sol apartments- so I could cook if need be, which I did a couple times! Quite a nice place. When it comes to nightlife, get those kebabs in your room for when you get home... as they don’t open till late like they do here! I myself only tried two of the bars. The main one we went too called Waikiki was amazing, chilled out vibes, though the music was all over, one minute some hip hop and then something Spanish then Vengaboys... just yeah. Another place I tried was called Frog. But this was awful. It was nice at first, chilled, lush decorative vibes, but this was when only me and my friend was in here... next minute people are finally coming in but they were all kids! I mean. I felt like I was in wigan! Never went there again!
  I do recommend the place. Malgrat De Mar was the area. Just a standard chilled out holiday, and as always I missed my cats. Glad to be home though- I can be ill in peace haha! And game.

Sunday 23 June 2019

Rome, Italy.

  I told you all I’d be trying to post more, and what else than about my recent holiday, my first trip since my ex and my first trip ever that I organised myself. Kinda overspent though. Got an email saying I’m in overdraft... but I don’t have overdraft haha. Ah well. Worth it. It was so peaceful. My hotel was way out the way but I don’t mind, I mean I could not of been bothered with the constant business, oh and my hotel had a pool! I can’t swim but putting my legs in sure cooled me down! Only bad thing about the hotel was being surrounded by motorways and really couldn’t walk anywhere, so having to get taxis and ubers everywhere... most of spent about 300 alone on those!
  Anyway, main reason I went Rome was the Trevi fountain, as I believe the wish thing, so yeah. Travelled miles to see the fountain. Now anyone who’s gonna go Rome- run from the guys on the streets with bracelets, they pretend it’s free then beg for money. Should be illegal. But yeah, we stayed in town for abit, had my first glass of red wine without lemonade and it wasn’t so bad! Also had this mini cocktail, which was clearly just alcohol haha. Brutal stuff. Back on subject- the Trevi fountain itself is a beautiful fountain and landmark, I really would avoid it though till 12/1AM. I mean, we went about 9 and it was still packed- crowds upon crowds, could not get to it and well, didn’t want to push my way through when the army is there with AK47’s, I kid you not! So we just walked around abit, me and my love for sugar ended up buying ice cream and slushes, absolutely belting over there! Homemade, so fucking nice. Bought my gifts for everyone. When we managed to get to the fountain we sat for an hour it was chilled, relaxing, but in the corner on the road a couple were clearly getting too frisky haha. But all in all I got to see my main reason for going, so happy with that.
  Did you know you can buy weed in shops over there?!! Heck, that needs to happen with England. I bought some blueberry weed, very sweet, also got some tea and gummies, all not bad. Again, needs to legalise here. Annoying that it isn’t. Not alot if harm and it helps. It sure helps me. Especially my RLS!! Anyway good buys, went there the last day, just wanted a walk about!
  We just chilled otherwise.. like I said, hotel too out the way. So we ended up ordering takeaways, chilling by the pool. I don’t mind as it was still better than England, still a great break to have.
  I’m happy too as I only had one crash day, where I literally didn’t move out of bed, so that’s good. But now I’m home I’ve crashed ever since, and hot weather here isn’t the same- it’s fucking awful, my head and eyes won’t stop hurting. Sucks to be me haha. Anyway, this is all i had to post! Thanks for reading.

Tuesday 4 June 2019

Five Feet Apart *I want to live*

  Okay, so I’m fresh off crying from watching the film ‘five feet apart’. Now, first of all if you haven’t watched it, please do, and if you have no clue what it’s about, it’s about two teens falling in love, they both have Cystic Fibrosis, which means it’s more than dangerous to be close together. So they come up with a plan to always be ‘five feet apart’.
  First part is my view of this film, and of course I loved it, I mean I love alot of movies like this- fault in our stars, now is good, midnight sun, everything everything... maybe it’s because I myself have an illness, wanting love, who knows?! But they do draw me in, and end up crying like a bitch! 🙄😂. But yeah- this film? It’s great, falling in love, real love, where you’re loved back, and both people strive for the other person, it’s rare these days, because people just wanna lie and cheat and can’t commit to one person only. I am an old romantic, like honestly, I am honest, faithful, try my best and 8362772%.
  This film really is a beautiful one, I know Cole lost weight for the role, which is dedication to the film and his acting! He did really fucking well as well, come so far since ‘the suite life of Zack and Cody! Haha. The film itself also shows awareness for Cystic Fibrosis. As sadly we live in such a fucking ignorant world, not many people even know what this illness is and what it entails! So yeah, the film promotes awareness for CF. It shows the struggles, the fight, how something simple can flare something up and then you could die, just yeah.

As for the second bit in the stars, it’s made me realise something, I would like to live, even though it’s hard having my illnesses. Nothing compared to CF, but at the same time it CAN be. I am sort of lucky it isn’t totally progressed, only bad thing? I know I’m getting worse daily. Sadly.
  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Fibromyalgia. Restless Legs Syndrome. Depression. It started with CFS, and then I just ended up with more illnesses, I’m pratically prone to be ill (mini illnesses or even getting another chronic incurable illness). All my illnesses are ‘silent illnesses’. Like, I look alright, so I cannot possibly be alright, right? Absolutely WRONG! The pain is constant. My tiredness. And lately my legs have been shaking and twitching more. I’ve been collapsing more. It’s just sucky dealing with all this. I’m 26, I should be living.
  This film has made me want to live, as much as I can be. I do want to find someone though it honestly can’t be where I am from. North West England. Why? Because everyone round here is a cunt, female and male alike. Judgemental, gossipers, I just don’t want anyone around here anymore! I deserve to be loved and not be the only one who loves in the relationship, like I have, wear my heart on my sleeve and I constantly get fucking hurt.
  All my life so far has been through alot of pain and hurt. Friends don’t see me or really care. Guys fuck me over. Family? I only have my mum and sisters tbh. I do have my cats which I’m thankful for. They kept me fighting at certain points in my life.
  My way of living? I want out of Wigan, North West, I wanna be someone better. But sadly unless I end up with a shit load of money that’s impossible. My body hates me, I can’t work. Selling nudes only gets me so much. I do intend to travel. Next week i shall be in Rome. NYE I’ll be in Paris and I want more places to go. I want to go Maldives, Thailand, America, Iceland and Germany.. maybe more but nothing jumps out at me. I know I don’t wanna go the typical horrible places people in England go. ‘ibiza, Spain,’ blah could think of nothing worse.
  Honestly, would be easier if I was rich, move out with my cats away from here, travel more wherever, whenever. Even if I only end up being able to go Rome and Paris, (illnesses and travel sickness may fuck shit up for me), at least I can say I tried. Even if I have to continue soending rest of my life fucked up in bed.
  I do want to live more. It just sucks money is the problem. Be trying to get benefits lately, having to keep visit docs get a ‘sick note’ coz I can’t work but they won’t give me PIP. THE government is joke. Helps out lazy cunts and people purely popping out babies so they don’t have to work but don’t help the sick because we ‘look okay’. Especially ‘looking okay’ for an hour chat where I prepared myself for it. Of course you’re not gonna see how bad I am. Not in a fucking hour!
  I want to find someone, I wouldn’t be arsed about the no friends and family then. I want to love and loved, the pureness etc.

Anyhow. Thanks for reading. If you have. :). 

Tuesday 28 May 2019

Second game review Rage 2

  okaaaay guys! I have finished Rage 2 pretty much, main story done! Most the little bits there is tit do... done! And here’s my honest review on the game.

  I got to say first up- the story is very short which is a let down, I tried so hard not to go to the last mission... and then I had no other choice and was done in about 15 minutes! After defeating who I was supposed too, almost dying, coming back to life, there is nothing much else to do but do what I haven’t already, bountys, convoys, various killing of creatures and taking over their settlements... so yeah I kind of switched it off. As I’d done most of it, just a couple of boxes I never found or data pads and just couldn’t be bothered.
  Overall though I did love the game, absolutely 100%. I’ve never played Doom, but I looked at a trailer and I’d say, yes it’s a little like that... graphic wise. Gameplay I can’t comment on. My reference was always Fallout and Far Cry in one game, leaning more towards Far Cry.
  Not much else to say here... you should check out the game, I know there will be some extra content to download within the next few months, which I’m looking forward too.

Thursday 16 May 2019

Game Review; Rage 2 (so far).

  Hey! Well this is something new for me, and I though I’d blog more NOT focusing in the shitty depression and shit life (though probably still will occasionally!). 
  Anyhow I got this when it was released (Tuesday) and played it since, literally obsessed. Like with any new game took me a hot minute to get used, pausing and double checking controls. I’m playing the game in Easy mode. I always do pretty much. I love playing games for their stories, not particularly for a challenge if I’m honest. The game starts in the first area where you are running through the settlement killing a bunch of the first enemies which we encounter. Pretty easy to get through, then you speak to Lily or Lucy something like this and she’s the one to send you outside to explore. 
  You start in the first vehicle (to me this has been the easiest to control anyway!) and drive down the road. The first encounter for me was the roadblock with Bandits. Eliminate all the Bandits, and then lower the roadblock. Again easy, more than likely because of the setting I chose! This done with begin driving again and soot another vehicle, which tells me to ‘go to a trade town to save vehicle). Me having no clue googled this, and obviously the first one is the next area along, so I travel hereto get the trade town saved since it’s also a place to ‘fast travel’ which kinda saves some time really!! Of course, on the way to this town there were more encounters to complete, though my mind has gone blank trying to think which ones, standard! Ha. 
  Once getting to this first trade town, you’re going to encounter a town to sell stuff, buy stuff, it’s a pretty small place, easy to navigate. In this town is the first person you have been sent to find and he gives you a mission down in the Sewer to turn it back on, as it’s been over run by enemies. Again, another great mini mission for you, and once this is done you have more chance to explore, and there are two other people you need to visit. But going into those areas are higher levels, so i decided to explore a hell of a lot more. I’ve done quite a but around the main road used so far, and I will be trying to explore of the map. 
  Online I keep checking stuff, and I keep seeing Rage being referred to ‘doom’ and ‘mad max’. I mean I haven’t played either BUT in my eyes it’s pretty much like Fallout and Far Cry. I mean the barren worlds, and then certain areas controlled by certain people (allies not enemies this time). 
  That’s all I have to say for now. But I do recommend you get it. Like I said only played it a couple days, but I’m already loving it and already obsessed!

Catchup, been a while!

  Hey you lot! I haven’t posted in a god awful while and I thought I would again. Starting with a catch up on my life... not much has changed, but at the same time, it has... complicated mind and all that shit, ey! Haha.
  Still single, lonely and alone. Barely see anyone either. Got fired from Bentleys Wigan over some chick who’d been there for two months... over my four years and two months, pretty shitty. But in reality? Blessing in disguise... I was only coping by taking alot of cocodomol, and drinking alot on the job, which in turn made my illnesses worse.
  Which brings me to my illnesses, yup, still shitty, in fact I am worse, which sucks but I’m trying. For once in my mind I’m a little positive, a little hopeful, a little... more than my depression. I’m trying to travel, Rome next month (I’ll totally blog a review! Which I’m gonna start doing.) and then i have Paris in NYE. The only problem, money. Sales are kinda slow and shit at the moment (reading this help me out!). So kinda struggling! Hell. But it needs to happen, I need to get out more... it isn’t fun being disabled, but I’m finally coming to terms after three years after being diagnosed. I just have to prepare. Be careful. I’m excited and a little worried but trying not to be. Just hope I can make them! Money needs to pick up. I finally tried for disability (PIP) but I got rejected. So gonna go for Universal cCredit and tell them I can’t work. Which I really can’t. I’ve had alot more weakness, falling at home, struggling to move at certain points, relying on my mum more. It does suck. Being 26, disabled, single for life, alone and lonely. But it is what it is hence why I totally wanna travel, just hope my body can cope, as I do also have travel sickness and hayfever, amongst my 5 illnesses... my, I’m a wreck haha.
  Anyhow, there isn’t much else to update with. Me myself and I. Hoping for a better life. More sales. And as always more cats hahaha.