Tuesday 17 July 2018

Bad Thoughts. Mad Thoughts.

I am legit here trying to drain my Goddamn phone. I have no fucking need for it. So here I am venting again. Since my blog is the only thing I can trust and vent on... I think I dunno it helps me a little. And so is Kanye & Cudi on repeat, ha. Ofc.
  Life would be so much easier if it woulf give me a fucking break and stop hating me. I’m not even joking. But it does. And all I get is bullshit. Over and over. Over and over. I think for a moment that something great is gonna happen, I’m FINALLY gonna get a break, but does it happen? Does it fuck. It’s so unfair.
  People always tell me think positive or whatever, but what you don’t realise... I’ve tried that, I’ve done that... and guess what? I got crushed even more. Fuck me life hates me too much and it’s pissing me off. It’s about high time I did get something good. It’s shit!
  Do you know what goes through my head at least once a day? Of dying. Because, fuck me, it’d be better, better for me not being here, better for my mum no longer being a burden, better for everyone considering they all hate me anyway because you can’t be in underwear and opinionated. I literally fantasise so much about it. But I don’t know what to do other than giving into those words and thoughts and giving everyone what they want... and I tell you now, it’s close. I wouldn’t be missed. All the online trolls be claiming they’ll miss me or whatever. Where are you now? Talking shit about me.
  I keep being told to love myself. And the fact is. I do. I wouldn’t post what I do. I mean I have my moments. And I’d still change stuff but. I’m not rich so i can’t can I? Hm. So I’ve accepted and love myself like Kanye loves Kanye haaa! But yeah I keep getting told that to find someone. And I’d be so open to let someone in, but every male I ever encounter, that I ever talk too, that I start to let in? They completely fuck me over and hurt me... like I don’t deserve this shit. I don’t. I have love to give, loyalty, whu don’t I deserve anyone? It’s unfair and just life continuing to show me how much it hates me.

  I’m fed up of the sadness. Fed up of my heart hurting. I’m fed up of crying.

I want to be gone. Or I want life to quit giving me bullshit and give me something be happy for... I want to be emotionless and thinking of ways to die...

I’m done. Night.