Friday 9 February 2018

Feeling Okay...

  So I thought we'd go for a change, I feel okay, my mind is numb, my god it is the best feeling ever. But my mind is still head fucked mind, I mean c'mon, guys have fucked me over too much and still fucking do. I'll be honest I still love my ex. Always have, always will, and I don't know if you ever ever get over your first love, I wish I could, it was kinda toxic, but yeah... ending this now. Some things I do keep to myself.
  People always assume I let everyone know everything... this really is not the goddamn case, ha, some things I have not told anyone, I can't, I won't. 

  But yeah, I feel okay, for once, I mean I just got home from work and since I can't sit down as much no more... my body is in absolute bits, I must remember my goddamn knee guards tomorrow. I'm 25 in a bloody 700 year old body I swear to god. 
  It sucks that CFS isn't really known, and alot of people say it isn't real, like I always say... I miss being normal, especially being able to work full time to drown out the voices in my head that go on and on and overthink like annoying little voicey shits. 
  Ey, did I tell you... I have to sleep with a night guard soon, how unattractive, another bloody good reason I'm single for life isn't it... even if I do miss having someone, but oh well. Fuck it. Fuck it all. 

  I should really go try and sleep now anyway, fucking back though... ouch. Bit of a random mini rant here! Night. x