Monday 17 December 2018


 Hey guys. So. I thought I’d vent and blog about something other thank how shit my life is! Ha. 

  I thought I’d talk about something I believe in - reincarnation. I don’t know why I believe in this. I just do! I mean I’m not religious, I’m unsure about God, angels, etc, but reincarnation is something different?! 
  I believe myself must of been someone reallt fucking bad in a past life at one point because of life now punishing me. I don’t have a clue who. Kinda drawn to King Henry? Hmm. We’ll never know because I have nowhere i can get a Past Life Regression (aye, I’ve asked!). 
  And I have a feeling that my cat Kanye is both Tigger and Patch who passed as he has traits of both kitties. If that’s even possible like, being two souls into one? Now that’s a thought for you. I mean, has anyone ever mentioned such a thing before? If so I really haven’t seen it and it should be posted about more. 

I just wanted to put that point across. I’m too tired to say much else as I haven’t slept. 

Sunday 9 December 2018

Bad Luck then Worse Luck, but never Good Luck...

  Been a while since I’ve posted. Like 4 months. Wow. I’m lay in bed right now with one of my cats on my chest. I’ve spent the day crying. To be honest I think I spend my whole life fucking crying. It’s wank. Seriously.
  You know when people say to think positive. Well guess what. I have a secret, it doesn’t actually work. I aint a total religious person, but I always call out to the higher beings, and lately I said to give me a sign, if my cat Kanye comes home then that is a sign that I will not kill myself on my Birthday (yes I had it planned. Well sort of. I knew which day, which date, just details to figure out). So yeah I asked this. And guess what. He came home. So here’s me thinking YES this 2019 is going to be my year. I’m finally gonna get what I deserve. Love, happiness, fun, support, money, cats, being okay... and then BOOM. Today I go the vets. Well yesterday now. As Kanye wesn’t himself. Turns out he has a collapsed lung. Needs an operation. Gonna be at least £600 for the op itself. Then another £260 on top for pain meds, xrays, scans, etc. But I just haven’t got that. My cats are my babies. My cats are the reason I kept fighting for so long. But this to me just shows me how much life hates me and just how much it loves to torture me... I mean giving me the sign to live... just to fucking torture me with more bad stuff in my life?! I just can’t. My poor furbaby is in pain, and I’m trying to raise money to help him- it’s Christmas and looks like it’s gonna be another depressing sad one, especially if I have to put my baby down! Blah. It’s unfair.
  I’m trying so hard you know to be happy, positive. Well I was. Now Imm back to hating life. It’s unfair. I know I have a lot of cats. But doesn’t make it any easier, I’m still reeling from Patch and Tigger dying. I’m still hurting from Daisy and Lucifer going missing and more than likely never coming home. Kanye though he came home. And I was happy. Till this. I either got to pit him down or I have to let him suffer. It’s so unfair.
  What else have I to update you on?? Hm. I’ve dated a couple guys, both turned into cunts. I mean the last one I fell for super badly. Like so intensely. More than my last shitty ex. He was great at the beginning, but then it was like... he admitted to hiding his phone from me as he messaged other girls, wanted to be with me but wanted to keep me a secret, sly comments about other women etc, ignored me, just shit like that. But the good side made me fall hard. I want romance i want neediness, and he was AT FIRST. I really believe I won’t find anyone. Heck that’s a given since my Birthday is in a few bloody months lets be real. I let guys in they fuck me over. Yeah i get my downfall is being too shallow. But the saying goes, ‘you can’t fuck personality’ and that’s true. Unless ofc you’re drunk asf. We’ve all been there. Well unless you’re a male, ‘any hole is a goal’. I tried to go for people I wasn’t attracted too anf it just never worked. Again all those people who fu ke dme over are all happy as larry and I’m sat here day in day out, spending 95% of my time in bed and 90% of it crying.
  Don’t worry I don’t always hate life. I mean I do appreciate that atm (till i pay the vets) that I can manage to eat (won’t be able too soon cats come first!), I’m thankful for the only people who give a shit friends wise. Two of thwm. They know who they are— pub quizzzz ha. All the others seem to blank me and ignore me. Don’t give a shit. But hey. I won’t then!
  Work (now if you’re seeing this bossman- which I doubt sorry hahaha). Basically I’m so under-appreciated. I only work part time but I sure as hell pull my weight and make sure everythings good. I mean I been at the bar 4 years! My online stuff? Kinda shitty. I’m hoping it’s just coz of Christmas. I could use money ha.
Facebook groups join Teddy Vibers and Bootylicious. Fuck the real Lamp Lovers going commercialised anf ignoring me hahaha.
Oh and illnesses suck again lately. Can’t sleep at night. So much pain. Just all the usual illness bullshit since I have 5! Tight tight tight. Just want something bloody happy and good!

Anyway. I’m sat here falling asleep. If you wanna help me ?
Please donate and join in my funds for Kanye. I’m actually begging you. I need my baby home.

Anyway. Goodnight.
I just wanna be happt. But clearly. That won’t be then cast...