It can’t just be me who seems to be consumed by the past. Those moments when I was carefree when I thought I was happy etc and wanting to go back there, dreaming of people from back then and wishing they were still in my life?! Probably is. I know I shouldn’t think of it. But I do. Like, not even joking if I could be back in the past I would be. And do it different and try keep those people in my life. Fuck knows why since they’re cunts but I’d try.
I dreamt about one of them last night, it’s a reaccuring dream every so often. I’ll be walking and finding him, but I won’t ever find him, but I visit this place we’ve both been before and leave a note for him, it’s weird because this place in the dream we’ve ‘visited’ in my dream was only ever in my dreams too. I dunno me.
I crave to be empty of emotion, I hate thinking, over thinking, giving a shit. I would love not too and to just go throigh life never feeling any attachment again. I wish i’d never loved, experienced it, because I always try and look for it, even though nobody has ever loved me. Blah.
Kind of don’t know what else to say. I’m still exhausted and I’m just fed up... my heads not right again lately. I wish it would go away.
