A thousand bullets

What's the worst thing about me? 

That darkkkk thinking that comes out of nowhere. 

Thinking I'm not good enough, worthless, ugly, unwanted, every bad thought hitting you like a thousand bullets, hence the name of the post. 

I swear it's like I have bipolar. For a few days, I'm fine, content, happy, emotionless, then it snaps and then I'm in this dark place. Stressing myself out to point of being sick, but hey ho, I refuse to go the doctors for that. They're useless. Took me forever get my CFS diagnosis. And I think if I never changed doctors I'd still be trying to change that bloody diagnosis. 

I guess I'm head fucked. So paranoid. Making my thoughts ten times worse that I don't know what to do with myself. 

I'm fighting though. As always. This time for my cats, a cats love beats any. 

Feeling better...

I guess with my last posts I have been fewling down, and then the psychic reading helped me... It's still the case. I still feel okay mentally. I have my moments were my heart hurts for not so long because I remember all the loss I have suffered, but then I remember it's okay. They're not worth thinking about, they obviously was not supposed to stay in my life. Sly fuckers anyway. 

I'm pretty sure were I am from and live there are no decent people. Everyone just wants drama, and are snakes and sly little worms. Not worth having in my life. I'd rather just be alone with me cats then bother with fools! 

Cats make me insanely happen. It's why I tend to love them and want more! I would love more a cat farm or something... Like I'd be so content! I have 5 cats now, Ben, Angel, Eric, Blue and Mumble. I do miss the ones I lost though. 
And for those wondering... Eric is named after Happy Feet 2 penguin and Mumble is the first movie. As you can see I love penguins as well. They're cute. 

I guess. As always I'm rambling! 

My CFS and depression... Are so much better these days. I'm still exhausted and so so so sore, and I do have moments were I am sad, but hey ho. 

CFS / ME still needs more awareness, especially were I live full of ignorant idiots! Like because you're sleepy doesn't mean you have it! There is more to it than tiredness. 

Oh well. Another rambling!

Kitty Family.

Anyone who knows me knows my love for cats, So yep a full post for it.
I love kitties so much! I used to be a dog person, but then we got our first cats, and preferred them. Especially after I got my first kitten that I myself bought My first kitten, which was a female called Angel.
When I got her my love for cats grew immensely! They are adorable. Angel had her first litter, definately thought she was having a shit rather than babies, but then she actually gave birth she was a brilliant, her first litter was 4 kittens. I managed to keep two of those, Patch and Eric. Sadly Patch died. Broke my heart.
She then had her second litter, and I managed to let my mum let me have one of those which was Tigger. He too also died and that broke my heart more as he was the one who kissed me and cuddled me all the time, he was adorable.
I also bought Blue. Who is a blue grey and he is ultra adorable but a mini slag, but then aint all cats?!

Recently for my birthday I managed to get my mum let me get another kitten because of Tigger breaking my heart... The kitten is ultra adorable and it's hard to sex him/her atm but I know it eill be called Mumble for a male, Bella for a female!