Friday 18 June 2021

Need to stay away…

   Yep, I do… from alcohol! I mean. I don’t have a stop. It’s either drink and drink too much or not at all. And I need to stick to not drinking! 

  During the drinking and the day after it’s bloody beautiful being pain free which is why I end up drinking loads… most people have no idea of the pain I deal with daily, so yeah me being shit faced helps with that. But I need to stop, the hangovers are bad, I get bad withdrawal too. I get hot and cold, I shake, my body can’t function, my head hurts… but still pain free till that night comes then the pain is slowly creeping it’s way forward. I also need to stop because mentally throws me west. Depression kicks in. Loneliness. Overthinking and thinking. It just makes me an emotional mess. Well. More of an emotional mess! I realise that I will not find anyone. Nope. And it gets to me. I’ve accepted it. But as I have said before it still hits me and I get sad. Like, why don’t I deserve to be with someone? Why do I deserve to be alone forever? It’s a sucky feeling. Honestly. 

  Anyway, I needed to rant. But as I’ve said before nobody rant too as I have no mates who would help and listen, obviously no guy. Gonna go sleep and hope I dream that better life. Because quite frankly, I hate mine. 

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