Saturday 12 June 2021

Time to talk to myself, again.

  Hey myself! Since noone really reads my blog! Ha. So I’m sat here watching my stuff... and like I wish I had someone talk too! But as always I do not. So time to vent here and yeah.. talk to my fucking self. 

  As I’ve said, I’ve accepted the no friends and never finding anyone.... but doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck! Hell. I would love to have decent mates who actually check up on me, who would actually wanna do things that doesn’t just involve a night out and drinking. I mean. I don’t mind nights out as I am a night person... but drinking isn’t something I want to do! Not always anyway. Doesn’t even hit me no more. I wish I could find someone. But everyone just on about pointless bangs or already taken and cheating... as I’ve said I don’t even bloody talk to anyone.... I just miss having someone. Friends or relationship. Either. Both. Either. Both. But that’s not the case for me. Neither. Neither. Neither. And by hell I’ve tried. 

  Dating is a sucky thing these days! I’m banned from most the damn apps... yet also don’t get out much because of my great illness. Nobody wants me anyway unless they’re the pests commenting on every hot chicks post. Or they’re taken and haven’t been getting laid. Or they’re bored. I dunno. 

  Loneliness been hitting me soooo hard today, thank god for the cats! But constantly checking my phone and just having nobody to message gets... tedious? Loneliness is a thing. It really is. And I suffer it so much. Most of the time. Alot of the time. I prefer the numb side of my head, no cares! 

  I had that covid vaccine today... now with my CFS, I don’t know if I got any symptoms really... as the list is my daily symptoms! The only thing different? The fact I’m dizzy and sickly... probably vertigo? These aint even listed on the symptoms! But it’s happening. Can’t move without it hitting! At the clinic someone fainted... that was scary to see, I’ve heard the next one is worse... I’m hoping that doesn’t bloody happen to me!! 

  I wish I was rich and/or better with money. Literally no sales right now on OF or IWC, and it’s stressing me out as I’m right on the end of my overdraft, trying not to extend it but no money! Where’s some rich guy take al the problems away? Friendship, relationship and money! Hahaha. I dream of it. Anyway. That’s all I got. Dreaming! If ya’ll wanna help get those sales in pls haha, or if you wanna cheer me up... wishlist!

  I really am so fat, I shit you not it’s getting to me abit. But at the same time... I like food. But I’m also fat. Fat and food don’t go. I always so no wonder nobody wants me... but I always get pied off for fat people so why am I not finding anyone?! Ha. I sound so mean. I’m sorry. I know size and looks don’t matter not truly. And I mean size doesn’t. I fell for someone bigger, the only thing is I can’t have someone skinny... as I’m afraid my fat self would kill them, that’s a thing. Why am I so damn shallow when I aint even totally attractive myself. God sake. Maybe it would be better being blind. Woulf stress me out though. I can’t enjoy the little things that make my life bearable. Oh shutup Abby. 

  Anyway. I guess I got some thoughts out then. I’m still emotional. Lonely. Alone. But not much to be done I guess. I wish I had real mates. I wish I had a guy. But yeah. Not going to happen. That ship has sailed. That hope has gone. That empty wishing is done with. Just me and the cats. 16 of them. Yep. Crazy cat lady. Oh well. I just had to vent my thoughts again. To myself. 

  Oh, and... everyone leaves. Which gets me down. With the loneliness. Always get left behind. Always get forgotten. Why do I bother?

No comments:

Post a Comment