Wednesday 11 May 2016

Always wondering what I did wrong?

Again. The title is self explanatory. What the hell have I done to deserve such a shit and lonely life?!
On top of my illness getting worse, I just have to be okay with forever being on my own... I mean. It's obvious. I'm destined to be alone. Everyone fucks me over. It isn't just males. It's also 'friends' I thought I had... Everyone just disappears, literally everyone has left my life.
I guess I really can say I'm used to it. I spend 24:7 on my own. Except weekends when I have work. That is my only life. Working weekends.
I guess it's a good thing I have my illness. Because I have to sleep my life away because I need too.

Sometimes. I just want to fall asleep. And never wake up.

And yes. I know the dark thoughts are back... But I can't help them... Why? Because I'm so fucking alone and I know it is what is meant to be... But doesn't mean it hurts. I never used to cry. But now I cry all the time. It sucks.

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