Wednesday 4 May 2016

The truth.

This post was hard for me to write... But I think it's right for me to do so, physical abuse is known widely. But noone really goes into emotional abuse. People need to know how much it can affect a person, how much it affected me...
When I was 18 I had my first relationship, we started fast, I worked at a bar in Wigan and he came to me and chatted me up. From there we talked for a few days before meeting up and going on our first date, we went bowling. It was a fantastic date, then the next week we went on a night out, I should have clicked then there were some part of psycho in him. My friend was being a little promisciuous, and then he came to me and said sly comments like 'I bet that's what you're like when I'm not around'. But as we were leaving we decided to be official... As I said things progressed quickly. We were happy for a few weeks at least without any trouble. But then he saw someone had text me that was a part of my life before him, it was another male, just asking how he was, and he was so, so angry. He was shouting so much abuse at me. calling me a slag, etc... And I was crying, angry at him too and ended up snapping my sim card to stop him and said I would change my number for him. He let it rest sort of. But he still said sly comments about that text. He made me exchange facebook passwords with him, I hardly went on his. But when you went on mine to check when he had been on it he had been on it every half an hour, or less. Then when a male messaged me from college he went mental again, and so I shut down my facebook account so he wouldn't obsess. But then he would check my phone a lot, but by this time I had no friends and the only person who texted me was my mum. I wasn't allowed friends anyway, if I went anywhere without him he would say I was cheating. He said so many sly things calling me names, saying noone would want me. And then there was the time he made me do anal as he 'wanted to put it somewhere where noone else has put it before'. He stopped thankfully as I was crying, but he was in a mood about it for a few days and not happy with me. We had many explosive fights. He never hit me, but I think if I was with him longer than the 8 months, he would have. He once punched a huge hole in his bedroom wall, and broke his bathroom All all the while he was accusing me, he got to talk to whoever he wanted to talk too, including one girl who it's clear they had a thing for one another. We went on holiday together with his family, and that was a bad experience also, he accused me at looking at other males behind my sunglasses, and I wasn't allowed to wear just a bikini as it meant I was showing off to all the men. When he became hill on holiday, he was hospitalised, i stayed with him. But then I was ill when we got back and he shouted at me because he wanted to get drunk, but I didn't drink at that time, and obviously I was ill. So he left me in the hotel alone while he went out. After the holiday we went sleep for a couple hours, but then he was on about my email, which i never used at the time either, he forced me to log onto it so he could look so he did. There was an email about some male trying to contact me on kik, an app I had actually deleted. I tried to tell him this but he went mental, I logged out, he kept telling me log back in, but I wouldn't. He said it will be over then, and I think I finally got the nerver to walk away so I did. I mean I didn't completely leave his life, as we met up a couple times after, seeing if we could sort things. But he never changed. I went cinema with my mum so she could cheer me up, and because I had no signal so couldn't reply. I was seeing someone new. Then I just told him leave me be. A couple weeks later he is with the girl he used to talk to when we were together, and I found out they cheated.

I should have left right away with this guy, I was stupid to stay with him so long. I think if I stayed longer thwn things would have got phyiscal.. I'm still not really over it, the emotional abuse I mean, him I can't stand. He hasn't changed.  I am very much broken, and relationships since him have been all over the place as I can't trust or believe anyone anymore. I just hope I will be okay.
But hopefully people will realise that mental abuse is just as bad as physical, they recognise the signs, and they leave before they make themselves like me.

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